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Nineteen Lead Balloons by Myles Zavelo 

My Life So Far?



A wave of unemployment

A position of power

Meet you in the storm drain

Less than an hour.

Feliz Navidad

A hunger strike. A blanket party. A department-store dressing room. A low sex drive. A dream where every nightmare comes true.

I want to be a comedian when I grow up.

All The Women I Met This Year?

Grace Perez
Claire Hoban

Olivia Schmitt
Olivia Sandberg

Julia Barrett
Julianna Anderson
Juliette Paradise

That’s just the list for this year.

I can show you the lists for the other years, too.


This Person.
That Person.
An Unspecified Distance.

The World

New York
My mother’s moldy basement with the broken ping pong table and the fluorescent tubes.

Josh And Rachel

So crazy about Josh and Rachel
Can't believe their relationship is over
Almost grieving it
Josh split up with Rachel
Cheated on her
Broke her heart
All she did was love him
Asshole move on his part

That's all I'm going to say about Josh and Rachel
I've said too much about Josh and Rachel
See, Rachel doesn’t want to be public about their breakup
But she’s delusional
It's a small world
It's a smaller town

My Pity Party

I am throwing a pity party.
Saturday night.

Would you like to come?

I will be serving pity food.
I will be serving pity drink.

I won’t dance.

But you can if you want to.


Got the diagnosis yesterday.
Bitch-slapped the doctor.

“All those decades at medical school, and for what?
To get bitch-slapped by your own patient?
I spit on you.”


Sometimes I’m just talking to you and I find myself wanting to put your butt cheeks where your face cheeks are, and your face cheeks where your butt cheeks are.

Then, I’d watch the whole building jiggle.

All The Musicals I Saw This Year

Stomach Cancer: The Musical
The Middle East: The Musical
Brooks Brothers: The Musical
Financial Rape: The Musical
Hemorrhoids: The Musical
Your Mother: The Musical
My Mother: The Musical
Cymbalta: The Musical
Adoption: The Musical
Cousins: The Musical
Whales: The Musical
Holes: The Musical
Balls: The Musical
Fuck: The Musical
Shit: The Musical
It: The Musical

Alice’s Tavern

Keep talking trash about my family and we might have to settle this outside
And we might have to settle it family style
In Seattle.

Dear Father

I’m so sorry for never listening. 

I never listened to you.

I never ever took your advice.

Not even a recommendation.

Not a single suggestion.

A little tip.



It’s actually pretty funny.

Screamed at my parents yesterday.

My parents have been dead for years.

And now
I am crying.

Ice Scream

I scream
You scream
We all scream
For ice cream. 

Myles Zavelo and Nathan Dragon are best friends forever.