AUTOFICTION BY MADELINE CASH
This is my magnum opus. This is someone else’s magnum opus. This is everything I’ve consumed since last Thursday. This is my Facebook password: IHATECONNORSIMCOX. Tihs is a medical conidtion taht I hvae. I don’t remember where I was when this happened. This is the last thing my stepmother tweeted: Enjoy your memorial day and remember all those who made the ultimate sacrifice so we could spend the day as free Americans 🇺🇸. I went to this Lutheran school and remember this bible verse: For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Here it is in Greek: Οὕτως γὰρ ἠγάπησεν ὁ θεὸς τὸν κόσμον, ὥστε τὸν υἱὸν τὸν μονογενῆ ἔδωκεν, ἵνα πᾶς ὁ πιστεύων εἰς αὐτὸν μὴ ἀπόληται ἀλλ᾽ ἔχῃ ζωὴν αἰώνιον. This is the definition of the word begotten: brought into existence. This is something I learned from the movie Jurassic Park: Life finds a way.
This Is A List Of People I know Emily, Frankie, Beck, Alex, Tessa, Mr. Friedman, Patrick, Ken, Max, Vanessa, Dennis, Franny, Victoria, Adam, Elijah Sterling, Gemma, Allison, Oliver, Zoe, Rachel, Caspian, Harley, Slater, Nick, Janeal, Augie, Brooke, Taylor, Payam, Lacy, Zelda, Armett, Harmony, Talulah, Joey, Ezra, Connor, Hunter, Margot, Jon, Gabby, Laura, Mom, Ben, Jayme, Tristan, Anika, Jack, Bennet, Annabelle.
This Is How I Was Sent To Christian Surf Camp
Some of these people are canceled and some of them are dead and some of them have drinking problems and some I met at Christian Surf Camp and one of them had scabies.
I was sent to Christian Surf Camp after this girl and I took her dad’s car for a joy ride. We were twelve so we weren’t considered legal drivers in the state of California. She rear-ended another car because her feet didn’t fully reach the pedals. We left the scene of the accident but not before the car got our license plate. The cops showed up like this later that night to bust the perps but the perps were two twelve-year-old girls in hello kitty sleeping bags. So I was sent to Christian Surf Camp where I went on a hunger strike and Victoria came out with this music video. While on my hunger strike I felt like Ghandi and realized that if you martyr yourself long enough you actually start to believe in whatever it is you’re advocating for.
This Is How Elijah’s Girlfriend Committed Vehicular Manslaughter
Elijah brought the scabies. Elijah brought the scabies from Bard > Sarah Lawrence > Manhattan. Elijah started a transatlantic scabies pipeline. Elijah also brought this pretty Colombian girl whom he was dating at the time. She was quiet but when she got drunk she told Elijah something. She told Elijah that once she hit a hitchhiker while she was driving on a dark road in Colombia. She just kept driving and never told a soul until she came to America to attend Bard College and got drunk and told Elijah. Elijah held her and comforted her and pet her hair and told her it was alright and itched his back where skin mites were silently gorging on his flesh.
これは京都です
A Japanese man at a bar said he’d pay me ¥30,000 for the majority of my hair. He handed me a pair of scissors and told me to go to the bathroom and cut off my ponytail and then fanned the bills out in his hands. I had never traded my hair as currency and therefore didn’t know what it was worth but decided to take the deal because I was broke and abroad and thought it might make good fodder for a story. In the bathroom I snipped off my ponytail at the nape of my neck with the man’s scissors which I realized he carried around with him. I came back into the bar holding my ponytail like a dead squirrel. The man was gone. I carried my hair home on the train. Another American girl got on the train a few stops after me. She had puffy eyes like she’d been crying. She was also holding a ponytail.
Famed Paleontologist Alan Grant, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum are flown under false pretenses to an island theme park run by disgraced scientist Richard Attenborough who has found a way to reanimate and profit off of dinosaurs. These two children come as well and this is the pinnacle of their acting careers. The dinosaurs inevitably free themselves from their feeble restraints and wreak havoc on the island and its inhabitants. Casualties include 1.) Samuel L. Jackson 2.) the lawyer 3.) the Australian guy 4.) and the fat Jimmy Buffet guy. The movie’s refrain, life finds a way, reminds us that, in the battle between man and nature, the latter will always prevail. I watched this film bi-weekly from the ages of 8 to 11 and again recently in a hotel room while my boyfriend did ketamine off a mirrored tray. I ranted about the seminal moment when Jurassic Park entered my life and how Richard Attenborough was like my father--a market capitalist bulldozing forward without considering consequence--and how I had nightmares about Volociraptors for years to come. And then my boyfriend asked me if I thought there was any validity to that conspiracy about tap water causing infertility. And I steered the conversation back to Jurassic Park like, “just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should.” And he said I should probably reconsider drinking water in general and I said we were doing drugs we’d purchased from a man named SL33T so comparatively the damage from tap water was negligible. My boyfriend ate Jordan almonds from the minifridge which an itemized receipt later revealed were $500. Then we took a bubble bath because it was our anniversary or birthday or the Chinese New Year or something that warranted a bath. And I thought - how can I take a bubble bath in this fine hotel and still be so miserable? I was leading the league in misery. Life finds a way I guess. I said, “I feel like there is something poisoning my brain. Something I can’t even see.” And my boyfriend said, “Yeah. It’s chemicals in the tap water.” He asked me to tell him a story and I told him about the time a Japanese man asked to buy my hair.
This Is A Photo Of A Black HoleThis is a photo of a black hole. It’s the best photo of a black hole ever taken. It is not the best photo ever taken from an artistic perspective but it is from a scientific one. It looks like the cherry of a cigarette. But in reality it is the absence of all matter. It is unfathomable emptiness, the begotten soul of the universe, and no one--artist nor scientist--knows where it leads:
Madeline is the editor of Forever Magazine.